Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
