I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
