Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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