My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
