people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
