do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
