Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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