i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i came on her dog
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
