YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize