thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's never too late to be topless.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
