Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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