Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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