Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
