Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
