Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
