I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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