the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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