Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
