tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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