just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
