I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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