ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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