I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
