Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
