i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
