remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
