hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
