Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I need to calm my uterus...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
