I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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