do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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