It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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