I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
