WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Terrible idea I love it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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