I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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