Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
