just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize