Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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