Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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