this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
