I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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