She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize