you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
