I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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