its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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