Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
