I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
