just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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