No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
