i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
