sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize