yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
even my farts smell like vagina
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
