just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
