Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
