just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
