Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
