after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
