i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
