this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The best revenge is premature balding
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
