I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
