i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Barsexuality is the new black.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
