it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dignity is for republicans.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
