I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
