I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
