does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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