would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dick very happy bro
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
