I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize