this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
