my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
