I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
