Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
