Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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