Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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