I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
