You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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