i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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