She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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