Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
the raccoons are back...
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