I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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