I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
