Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
