Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
