what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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