I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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