So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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