brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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