Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
