ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
