every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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