my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
