You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
