I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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