she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
