Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
