I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
