yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
