I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
