We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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