Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
