His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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